Mr. Possible

Had another date with the newly blog-named Mr. Possible, formerly and briefly known as 116 (thanks, Mimi!). He continues to be adorable, funny, charming, etc. He also continues to tell me how happy he is that he's met me, and that he has a great time with me. I feel the same way about him -- even though this all feels a bit surreal -- a bit sudden.

Alas, not going to see him for over a week, as I'm going out of town. I have a feeling we'll continue to be in touch -- he gives good e-mail (and text).

Ah -- and those kisses! We've both acknowledged that it's best to move slowly -- but wow, the chills he gives me just from kissing me or caressing my hair? Really. Really. Sweet. The anticipation is sexy... but I'm also looking forward to what may (hopefully) follow. In time.

Interesting timing -- my pre-paid six months of J-date is just about to expire. Even if Mr. Possible weren't around, I wouldn't have much time for new dates in the coming month or so. No sense in wasting money renewing the membership I wouldn't have time to use anyway.

One hundred sixteen

Last time, I wrote that I was about to go out with a new J-guy. It turned out to be a fabulous date - -and the second one, a week later, was even better. He’s whip-smart – super-funny – incredibly cute. To say I’m very mildly smitten wouldn’t be inaccurate – and from the vibe he’s giving, the feeling seems to be mutual.

I know – whoa, Nelly! Yes, yes, I know – take it slowly, and all that. I certainly am -- or at least, trying. And when he writes to me that he thinks I’m gorgeous and can’t wait to see me again, I’m careful to keep my responses just a bit cooler. I just realized – we’ve e-mailed every single day since that first date, in addition to texts and phone calls sprinkled in there as well. It just feels "right".

Cute Jewess just blogged about this recently – we’ve both had experience with these guys who come on really strong, then fizzle just as quickly. Not to say this new guy will fall into that category – I’m just being cautious, that’s all.

But when someone who seems fabulous also seems to recognize the fabulous in you? Hard not to be a bit seduced by that.

Third date planned for this weekend, then I’m going out of town for work for a week – it’s a good thing to be a bit unavailable, and put the brakes on this for the moment.

I’m having a hard time coming up with a blog name for him! It’s hard to pinpoint just one quality about him. “Mr. Wonderful” could work – but sounds like that’s more of an ironic name for an asshole. Simply “Mr. X”? No – sounds like I’m implying that he is or could be an “ex” – don’t want that! Other references to his great smile, sharp wit, fabulous sense of humor then exclude his other good qualities.

So for now – he’ll simply be 116. (as the 116th first date I’ve had since my last serious relationship) It would be nice if there weren’t any other numbers after that one, wouldn’t it…?

As far as the other guys I’ve smooched lately – I’m not deleting their numbers just yet. We’ve exchanged e-mails, but no solid plans to get together any time soon (I’m too busy anyway). But the fact is, I know that they’re really just smooch-buddies – if there’s been no progression towards relationship-land with any of them by now (the Friend of a Friend… Fun Bobby… Good Hair Guy), then it’s never happening.

But 116? Possible potential. We’ll see.

In the meantime, if you have clever blog name suggestions for a guy who’s adorable, fun, smart, witty, etc – send them my way!

Recycling, #115, and tonight's date

It’s been a busy summer – while the summer is a quiet time at work for most people, right now I’m ridiculously busy, and will continue to be that way for the next month or so. Those of you with half-day Fridays? I'm jealous!

In the meantime – I haven’t been very active with online dating lately – but I’ve been continuing the “recycling” theme. Last time I wrote about seeing Teen Crush (ex-boyfriend from late last year) and Good Hair Guy (on and off FWB for the past two years).

Some other past guys have resurfaced recently:

Fun Bobby: we had a few dates earlier this year, but I stopped seeing him in order to date Good Voice exclusively. He texted me out of the blue about a month ago – he was in my neighborhood, was I around? I was having dinner with my best friend, so it wasn’t an ideal time to meet up, but we agreed to get together soon.

We met for dinner this week – it was unclear for most of the night if this was going to be just platonic, or if this was a “date” – we shared recent dating stories, but finished the night with some very nice kissing. I enjoy his company, but just don’t see him as a boyfriend – can’t explain why.

He’s much more honest and open with his thoughts and feelings than most guys I know – I can’t remember how it came up, but he brought up the fact that I had written to him earlier this year to let him know that I couldn’t date him any longer. He said he appreciated that I wrote to him, rather than just disappear into the ether.

Another guy who has re-surfaced is the FOF – the Friend of a Friend: last time I saw him, months ago, there was some very passionate smooching, with the temptation to spend the night at his place. (it took some very strong willpower to go home alone!) We were in touch occasionally after that, but there was always something that got in the way of us getting together – I was out of the country, his mom was visiting from out of town, etc.

He IM’d me out of the blue a few days ago – long story short, we had another date, with more passionate kissing – but it's impossible to tell when I’m going to see him again. We’re both about to go out of town for work – he has a job coming up in another city that will keep him there for about three months.

Almost forgot about this one – I had a date with a new J-guy recently – my 115th first date in the past 3½ years. Nice guy, decent phone connection, but no in-person zing.

Tonight: a date with a new J-guy – I’m excited about this one – we discovered that we went to the same college (graduated at different times), and even have some friends in common. Nice – gives it a bit more of a personal connection than the usual anonymous online date. Wish me luck!

While I’ve been having a good time on these dates, and enjoying some first-base intimacy – I’m all too aware that I’d much rather be intimate with just ONE special guy. I’m still optimistic.

FWB

Summer is just flying by! It’s my favorite season, and there’s so much going on – someone is always organizing a picnic in Central Park to watch the Philharmonic, or there’s a film playing under the stars on a pier, or a happy hour, or bike rides… it’s been a wonderful, social time.

No new guys to report – you’d think that I’d meet some at some of these events, but that just hasn’t happened yet. But there has been a bit, well, “recycling” of late:

Teen Crush:
Last time I wrote that we’d made plans to meet up next time he came to town. And so we did.

I got to the restaurant early to freshen up a bit, and to get a sip or two of wine in me to calm my nerves. No need to worry – the second he walked in, I immediately felt comfortable – and also very relieved. I’d been worried that I’d feel a sense of longing once I saw him, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was more like… oh, that’s it? He still looked attractive, but not quite as much as I seemed to remember. He was still smart and interesting and charming – but not in a way that made my heart a-flutter.

We lingered over drinks for a while, then had a leisurely dinner. Conversation was easy-going – no real talk about “us”. He walked me home. Somehow, we wound up kissing... just a bit.

It was just a nice, casual evening. We e-mailed a few times in the days following, and he left town again. I’m sure we’ll stay friends, but that’s it. Any mystique of what “could have been” just wasn’t there. It is as it should be.

Good Hair Guy:
I met GHG about 2½ years ago though Match – he was clear from the start that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, as he was just out of a relationship. (more info here) A few times since then, we’ve had flings here and there – a fun, casual “friends with benefits” situation.

I enjoy his company – he’s funny, smart and interesting, and yes, cute. Then there’s that fabulous, thick head of hair – I just love running my fingers through it.

We’re currently taking a class together once a week. After the first class, we went to dinner and he walked me home – and we kissed at my door. We had a good laugh about it, mentioning that that was the first time that had happened in a long time – the past few times we hung out were purely platonic. Maybe because it’s summer now, and there’s strappy dresses, and tan bodies…?

After the second class the following week, we once again went out to dinner – a bit more wine was consumed. There was some kissing… and more. Again, just all in good fun.

I’m in two minds about this. On one hand, I’m just enjoying being single and having fun and being flirty. On the other hand – yes, I do want someone to love, who will love me right back. Will this type of flirty behavior be an obstacle to finding a serious relationship?

I read recently that if you want to attract something into your life, make sure your actions don’t contradict your desires. Even my shrink has warned me about this – why spend an evening with a guy with whom there’s no future, when I could be meeting someone with potential? Saying that… I’m not exactly spending all my time with guys like GHG or TC. Currently playing phone tag and exchanging e-mails with a few J-guys, but no dates lined up right now.

It’s a tough call – wanting to live in the moment, versus thinking long-term. To be continued – would love your thoughts in the meantime.

The Italians... and this week's updates

I love nights like this, a few nights ago.

Was out with Best Friend, trying to decide where to go for dinner. We put our names on the waiting list for a restaurant that had an hour-long wait for a table, and wandered in the area, looking for a place to have a drink.

Stopped into a lovely, elegant (but not stuffy) bar / restaurant – the only available seats were next to a good-looking, dapper man. I don’t have low self-esteem, but I generally write off guys like this as being too hot for me.

Five minutes later, Hot Guy starts chatting to us – and not only is he hot, he’s Italian, speaks excellent English, and lives here in New York. Even hotter.

After we mentioned that we were celebrating Best Friend’s new job, he insisted on buying our drinks for us. How could we say no? He stepped away for a moment to take a call, and Best Friend said that she thought he mentioned that he was waiting for his wife to join him for dinner. (it was rather loud in the restaurant, and I couldn’t hear everything he was saying) I thought that would be the end of that, and we’d go our merry ways -- him with his wife, and us with our celebratory glasses of wine.

When his two male colleagues showed up a few minutes later, I nudged BF and whispered, “that doesn’t look like a wife!”. She realized she’d heard incorrectly. No wife… just colleagues.

They invited us to join them for dinner, and in a “why not?” moment, we accepted. Best Friend and I used to go out a lot in our 20s – serious clubbing / bar-hopping til 4 am kind of nights – and we'd always have unexpected adventures. Spontaneous invites to parties in mansion-like apartments. A Halloween party in a nightclub, discovering that the guy in the gorilla mask at the next table was Leonardo DiCaprio. Staying at clubs like Spy and Wax til closing, then going to Yaffa Café for breakfast with guys we’d just met – then watching the city wake up as we took the bus home.

These days, we’re not quite the spontaneous party gals that we once were – but for us, this was a fun adventure.

***********
A few other updates:

Robot Man: after he e-mailed to thank me for a nice night, I did what I felt was the right thing – I wrote back saying while it was lovely to have met him, I just didn’t feel that kind of chemistry I was looking for. So – that was that.

Smarty Pants: after a third date with him, I came to realize – all that talking he does? Mainly about himself. Often on tangents, far and wide. He’s sometimes interesting – definitely smart – but after a while, I began to find him tiresome. I doubt there will be another date.

Teen Crush: blast from the past! Recap: we dated for about 4 months late last year. I liked him a lot – he felt his life was too “up in the air” for anything serious – we broke up.

After I nearly had a scary car accident about a month ago, I thought, life’s too short for this – I’d like to have him in my life, even just as friends. (we’re probably better off as friends anyway)

At that time I got back in touch – he was happy to hear from me, said he’d like to be friends as well. Has been working on the west coast, but said he’d love to meet for dinner next time he came to town.

Well – he e-mailed me this week, saying he’s going to be in town next week, and could we meet up? A few e-mails later, plans were set. I’m really looking forward to it. And while I know that in my head that we’re better off as friends, I can’t help but wonder if we’ll wind up kissing…? Stay tuned.

Date #114: Robot-Man

As I was walking down the block to the bar to meet Robot-Man, I saw a guy from behind, going the same direction, walking slowly, looking at his phone. I had a feeling that might be him, and prayed that it wasn’t – this guy was a bit portly, wearing sports sandals and too-casual-for-a-first date shlubby pants and t-shirt.

I went to the bar and waited – five minutes later, in walks my date for the evening – and of COURSE he was the shlubby guy I passed on the street.

When I talked to Robot on the phone, I noticed that after I spoke, there was a longer-than-normal pause before he replied. In person, he just seemed a little psychologically… off. When talking to me, he was like a robot – wide-eyed, barely blinked, was largely expressionless. He was certainly nice enough, but would go on and on about random facts in excruciating detail.

After a respectable amount of time (an hour that felt like ten) I did the old “boy, am I really tired” routine, said I needed to get going. Most people get what that means. Not poor Robot-Man. He insisted on walking me most of the way home, even as I’d occasionally motion, “isn’t this your subway…?”. When he told me that this was the most enjoyable night he’d had in a long time – well, I just felt for him.

Finally, a few blocks from my apartment, I said, “Ok, this is my stop!”. He asked if I’d like to go for a drink again soon – how can you say to someone’s face that you’re kind of creeped out by them? You just can’t. If he e-mails, I’ll have to send the standard “I didn’t feel the kind of chemistry I’m looking for” line.

*******
In other news: had a second date with Smarty Pants this weekend. Still finding him fun and interesting. We were both pretty tired, so we didn’t stay out as late as we might have otherwise. At least I think he was just tired…! Hopefully not the kind of tired I was with Robot-Man.

Exchanged a few text messages with the Visitor – it looks like we may be able to get together again before he leaves town in a few days. I’m excited – even though we only kissed, the chemistry in those kisses? Wow. Definitely looking forward to more of that.

UPDATE: he texted about 3 hours before we were due to get together, saying he was afraid he was going to have to cancel, for work-related reasons – but he hoped we could get together next time he was in town. Um, last-minute canceling, dude? So not cool.

No big deal. There’s other J-guys I need to write back to – replenish the list!

Date #113: The Visitor

Wow – who would have thought it would be possible to have two very good first dates with two different guys in the same week?

Last night was date #113 with The Visitor. Visitor lives in another state, one that requires a flight --- but he comes to New York often on business, and he’s thinking of moving here permanently. Generally, I don’t respond to J-date guys who don’t live in NY – why bother? – but the Visitor seemed like a smart, interesting guy. After I got a good vibe about him by phone, we agreed to meet up next time he was in town. That time was last night.

We met for a drink, and he looked exactly like his pictures – great head of hair, fabulous smile (I'm a sucker for those qualities). Drinks led to dinner, which led to more drinks, and eventually some meandering.

You know that moment right before you have a first kiss with someone? You feel the buildup, and you sense that you both want to kiss, but you’re both waiting for the unspoken go-ahead from the other person. Yeah… it was like that. I have to admit, I kind of like those moments of anticipation.

Finally, walking along the street, I stopped to face Visitor to ask him a question, and he swooped in for the first kiss. (for the record, I have no problem making the first move… but I generally prefer to wait for the guy to do so). It was a great kiss. Rather, kisses. We eventually found a stoop on which to sit and have a wonderful make-out session, stopping and laughing every time people walked by.

He walked me home, and we talked about possibly getting together before he leaves town. He’d already told me that he’d be back in town a few weeks down the road, and would like to see me again then.

So there you have it – two great-seeming guys currently on the agenda. Obviously, either (or both) of them could disappear any moment – and there’s the chance that I won’t like one (or both) as I get to know them. But for now? My plan is to not overthink, and to simply enjoy the ride.

Second date with Smarty Pants coming up. And I need to write about the other night with Best Friend – an unexpected dinner with three Italian strangers. Watch this space!